A New Beginning

I am a cutter, so what, does it look like I care?
It helps keep me alive, get me through my despair.
I despise being labelled, and when people stare,
Back the hell off, I don’t need you, this is my way to repair.

I am a mess, I know, but I’m still right here.
I just take what I have, but I hide from my fear.
But I soldier on, no matter how things appear,
I’m alone, but I’ll survive, no matter what comes this year.

I am a liar, that’s right, and I hide the real me,
There’s a side of me that very few people see.
I’m lonely, not strong, but my two faces disagree,
The forced laughs, the fake smiles, is just who I want to be.

I am a burden, It’s true, but I’m trying to change.
I always rely on others, it’s not a fair exchange.
I’ll start off slow, until I can find my range.
I’m trying, I’ll get there, even though it feels strange.

The smoke fills my lungs,
The alcohol impairs my judgement,
The pills slide down my throat,
But I’m still alive.

My blade bites into my skin,
My mistakes scar my arms,
My tears run down my face,
But I’m still alive.

My friends believe my lies,
My hope begins to dwindle,
The one that matters most stays silent,
But I’m still alive.

Pain’s sharp bite, it sets me free,
Allowing me self-control.
Its lingering embrace let’s me be me,
Never showing its toll.

Each time feels fresh, it brings anew,
A shining imperfection,
And allows me to hide the truth from you,
While keeping my affection.

The blade on flesh, its sting so bold,
Provides me with direction,
Allows me to voice my thoughts untold,
Gives my resurrection.

Teardrops of blood, they hold my pain,
Allowing my mind to clear.
The release they bring allows me to attain,
My presence without fear.

Bitter dreams and lonely halls,
My nightmares pervade these hollow walls.
My screams echo from near and far,
As I watch the light dim from my shining star.

As I drift, I look around,
There’s still one anchor to the ground.
A fire that won’t go out,
Always questioning my self-doubt.

No matter how far I fall,
It rings out above it all,
A single thread that holds me true,
Regardless of everything blue.

I can’t shut down while its there,
Even though I’ve been stripped bare,
One thing that always breaks through,
The presence that can only be you.